I had no real rules or criteria for this, except that I wanted to be sure to include some of the big names as well as a few of my personal favorites, and that I would only pair them with beers I've actually tried... so, if I miss any hero that's your favorite (or maybe you can think of a better beer pairing because I've limited myself to experience over reputation of beer), feel free to comment. Maybe I'll even revisit this topic later. Anyway, without further adieu, I'll start with one of my absolute favorite characters, who is both the hero that got me thinking about this topic as well as, in my opinion, the one inarguable slam dunk beer selection on this list:
Martian Manhunter
You might be forgiven if you don't know who I'm talking about here, so I'll do a quick synopsis of the character. J'onn J'onzz (pronounced John Jones, which would also become his human secret identity) is basically the Martian Superman, but BETTER. Not only does he have Superman-like powers in his super-strength and flight, but they have a better, more science-y explanation that Superman's whole "because yellow sun" thing.
Martian Manhunter can control his mass and density, so he can alternately be light as a feather or come at you with a fist as heavy as the Earth. Oh, and he can also dial his density down to the point where he becomes intangible and can phase through objects. And make it so his cells stop reflecting light, and he can become invisible. Oh, and he can also stretch and change shape to resemble anything or anyone he wants. OH, and he can regenerate, too... so if he loses a limb or something, he'll just grow a new one. OH, AND he also has this thing called "Martian Vision", which is like a force/heat beam from his eyes, but he also has x-ray, infrared, EM spectrum, telescopic and microscopic vision abilities. OH AND HE'S TELEPATHIC LIKE WHOA. What I'm getting is that he's the royal flush of power sets. The caveat is that he has a fairly rudimentary weakness. Fire. Yup. Just fire. There's a long and nerdy explanation for that, but I've already gone on too long because this is my favorite character, so I'll just move on.
Martian Manhunter has one other "weakness" of a different sort... his love of Oreos. Or, as they have to call them in the DCU because of trademarks and such, his love of "Chocos". Basically, the dude is absolutely nuts for chocolately, creamy sandwich cookies. Luckily, there's one beer that comes immediately to mind when you need a Phenethylamine phfix... and that's Southern Tier Brewing Company's Choklat. When I first had this beer, I was floored by level of dark cocoa goodness therein. If J'onn loves the dark and sweet stuff half as much as it seems, I can think of no finer drink for him.
Aquaman
Look, I know it's the cool thing to make fun of Aquaman because he just "talks to fish", but people that do that are wrong and stupid and also wrong. A lot of people don't realize just how dang strong you have to be to just survive at ocean depths, nevermind fight and defeat villains with ridiculous costumes. Also, don't forget that the dude is technically sovereign over 3/4 of the world. Low-grade telepathy is just a cherry on top. Plus, he's a local boy, being raised in Maine, so how about we put down the pitchforks and find the King of Atlantis a drink, eh?
To me, a ruler as hearty as Aquaman needs a big beer. Something to keep him warm, even at ocean trench depths. Luckily for him, there's Ballast Point Brewing & Spirit's Victory at Sea. This coffee-vanilla porter is rich, smooth and big on booze warmth. Plus, coming in at 10% ABV, a 22oz bomber should suffice to suffer the fools who laugh at your ability to talk to seahorses.
Wolverine
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the elephant in the room as far as beer and superheroes go. Of mainstream characters, I can think of no one else who drinks more beer than good ol' Logan. You might argue that some of the Marvel "god" characters like Thor and Hercules drink more, but Thor is more one for mead and... well Hercules will drink just about anything, but Wolverine's one true pairing is lager for sure. Thing is, dude drinks in quantity, so we're going to find something crushable that comes in a 30 rack for him. First thing that comes to mind, of course, is Naragansett Brewing Company's Naragansett Lager. For a man that's as one with the adjuct macros as Sniktbub here, I can't think of any other realistic choice. And honestly, a significant upgrade from his usual go-to-brews.
The Flash
They say Flash is a faaaaast mutha-- shut yo' mouth! But seriously, Flash is identified by speed. His powers are defined by the "speed force", he's been known to travel time on a special treadmill... dude even has lightning bolts where his ears go. Clearly, he needs a beer for runners. Well, they make just the thing. Boston Beer Company's Samuel Adams Boston 26.2 Brew. The stuff is light, refreshing, lemony and dry. The dry finish probably comes from that this beer is brewed with a bit of salt, so you know Flash can replace those electrolytes with this one. Plus, that's what makes plants grow.
Spider-Man
Bzzzrt. Trick question, because Spider-Man doesn't drink. Not even a little. In the same way that Flash is made of speed, Spider-Man is made of guilt. He wouldn't even allow himself to even risk becoming the slightest bit inebriated because he might accidentally hurt someone or some crap like that. Fun fact: the one time I can remember even the suggestion that Peter Parker got drunk, they quickly backpedaled the story to say that he was actually drinking Ginger Ale, even though he thought it was champagne, and he was reacting like he thought he was wasted. That's right... the guy's such a stranger to alcohol that he gets psychosomatically drunk.
That said, you can't not include Spidey on a superhero list of any sort, and I'm not about to let myself off the hook so easily, so let's pretend that he isn't terrified of a cold one at the end of a hard day of web slinging. Aside from guilt, the second biggest defining element of Spider-Man is his New York-ness. How New York is Spider-Man, you ask? Once, in his debt to Spider-Man, Loki offered him one wish... and Spider-Man wished for a hot dog from Gray's Papaya. So I'm thinking, with his love of American fare like hamburgers and hot dogs, and his implied perpetual "I <3 NY" t-shirt, how about a beer you can only get from another New York joint... Shake Shack? I speak, of course, of Brooklyn Brewery's Shackmeister Ale, which is made especially for the chain. Though he'd probably prefer one of Shake Shack's trademark "Concretes", Spidey could just as easily commiserate about power and responsibility over a Shack burger, crinkle-cut fries and this malty pale ale.
Superman
Speaking of heroes you can't do a list without... and what's this? This hero ALSO comes with a Spider-Man-esque beer controversy! The very comic cover pictured above was a major bone of contention for the stick-in-the-bum community, as the original art made it a little more ambiguous as to what exactly Clark and Pa' Kent were drinking... until it was changed to wholesome sodey-pop in the final version. By ambiguous, I mean that the label said "oot Beer" (fill in the blank, kids!), yet they still recalled the issue with that cover. So, that I recall, DC has never really taken on anything directly when it comes to Superman and drinking, aside from a few scenes where he's refused alcohol... but let's not play the blue boy scout card so quickly, and remember Supes (probably) doesn't need to eat or drink at all. Still, this isn't a list about what superheroes don't drink, and since Clark is a midwest boy, let's give him a midwest beer! Prairie Artisan Ales' Prairie Standard seems a good fit to me. This beer is fairly new (at least to MA), but it's a simple and nice saison... and the label teaches you how to noodle for Catfish (which has nothing to do with Superman, but whatevs).
Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)
Stone Brewing Co.'s Arrogant Bastard Ale. ...That's the joke. Sorry, it was too perfect not to. But seriously, I love that beer. Probably my favorite "strong ale" style beer, but... ok, it was low hanging fruit for this character. The nerds know what I mean. Next!
The Hulk
I'm going to break my rule for this one as far as beers I've tried go, because Hulk is the strongest one there is... so, naturally, he needs the strongest beer there is, and he cares not for my puny human blog rules. Up until recently, I thought this would be BrewDog's Sink The Bismarck!, but that's no longer true. In fact, the arms race has escalated far beyond that beer's 41% ABV, all the way up to the 65% ABV Brewmeister Brewery Armageddon. That might be enough to even make the Hulk a little tipsy. Maybe.
Mr. Fantastic
Reed Richards is like... science incarnate. So, when I think of a science-y beer, the first one that comes to mind is Element Brewing Company's Red Giant. Why? Well, because element. That's a science word. Plus, the bottle comes wrapped in fancy paper. You might think that's just to look cool, but Mr. Fantastic knows that's to keep out light, because more light means more oxidation because SCIENCE. Moving on.
Batman
We'll end this one on everybody's favorite hero. As we've covered, Flash is made of fast, Spider-Man is made of guilt, Hulk is made of strong and Mr. Fantastic is made of stretchy, stretchy science. Batman, of course, is made of prep time. Bruce Wayne, Batman's other persona (I don't say secret identity because really, Bruce Wayne is the fiction and Batman is the real man) is made of high society and stuff. So, when I start to think about the perfect Bat-beer, I'm looking for something a little elegant, finely-crafted, and strong. Something that's at least slightly elusive, so while you probably can't just get it anywhere, it appears when it's needed. Perhaps, even, a beer that's very name suggests that some extra time was put in to it. A beer that, like Batman, is well regarded in it's community. So, the first thing that came to mind was Dogfish Head Craft Brewery's 120 Minute IPA. Also, did you know that like Batman (but unlike most IPAs), 120 Minute ages very well. Truly, we have some Lincoln-Kennedy level coincidences going on here.
Beer fans, thank you for indulging me in a bit of fun. Superhero fans, I look forward to your complaints.
slow clap (everyone join in)
ReplyDelete