A Wee Bit More on Beer Law

    Try as I might to resist coming back to this topic again and again, it's all around me.  I talked about the hoops the event organizers had to go through when I went to The May Day Cask Fest, and that had a lot to do with that the organizers were homebrewers, and therefore could not sell beer.  They went through great pains to make it clear this was a private event and that the ticket price bought you entrance, a glass, and a right to vote.  What I didn't know until after the fest was that they were still hampered in how much of a sample they could "give away" (since, by the letter of the law, that's what they were doing) at any one time.  That amount?  2 ounces.

    2 ounces of anything, much less something as nuanced as beer, makes it really hard to get a handle on taste.  Often, you don't even begin to properly taste something until your 2nd bite or sip, so with 2 ounce samples, you had better get your palette ready.  There may be an additional Massachusetts law that states how much you can sample over a period of time, but that did not seem to be enforced that day.  Good thing, because I don't have the greatest taste buds ever, and since no one was stopping me from getting a 2nd taste of any of the beers, that's exactly what I (and I'm SURE many others) did.  Knowing what I know about beer laws, I'm sure there must be some kind of sample limit, and this situation was probably a "blind eye" kind of thing.

    So why bring this up now?  Well, this past weekend was "The Festival" in Portland, Maine, a Shelton Brothers event that drew brewers and drinkers from all over the world... so kind of a big deal.  Now, when I covered beer law in previous blogs, I focused on Massachusetts and New Hampshire, but who would have thought that it would be Maine that would offer fodder for what might be one of the most inane beer laws I've covered yet?

    Brought to my attention by this article, there are two beer laws that put one of the sessions of The Festival in imminent danger of not being able to open its doors.  One, in Maine, brewers can not pour their own samples.  That means that every single booth there needed multiple volunteers ready at the station in order to be able to serve people.  When you look at that over multiple sessions of a beer fest, that... that is just a metric buttload of volunteers required by the state.  Don't ask me how it's protecting anyone to have someone less experienced with the beer being served being the one to draw the sample, because I'm probably too intelligent to be a legislator.

    The second law that almost sunk the ship was... you guessed it because you understand foreshadowing: sample limits!  Specifically, 48 oz over the course of 4 hours.  Just let that wash over you for a second.  Some simple math reveals that to be the equivalent of 12 ounces per hour, meaning that you can go to a bar (which I'll point out once again, harkening back to the hypocrisy of how these laws are applied against brewers, has parking spots around it and, if it has a kitchen, doesn't have to stay open until the bar closes) and order quite a bit more beer, then get up and leave (and possibly drive away) than you can in a closed, controlled environment that, by it's very nature, requires supervision and police presence.  ...Yup.  Nevermind what a logistical nightmare it must have been to track exactly how much each individual amongst thousands must have had.

    Now, obviously, there's going to be some blowback from this and pressure to change these laws.  And if Maine wants to draw in dollars that big-deal worldwide-drawing festivals like this bring along, they'll be smart to update the legalities of beer festivals to something that makes some dang sense.

    And I didn't even get in to the stuff I've been mulling over this week about growler fill laws.

    I think we should all go to our fridges right now and hug our beer.  And if you see a brewer, shake their hand and thank them for making beer AND for putting up with a legal system that drools all over itself and just makes their lives harder.

Superheroes and Beer: A Perfect Pairing

     Enough hooting and hollering and blogs about beer laws.  I'll get back to complaining about stuff next time, but for now... let's have some fun.  I don't know about you, but I love comic books almost as much as I lover beer, so I'm going to bring them together by suggesting what I think would be the best craft selections for some well-known superheroes.

    I had no real rules or criteria for this, except that I wanted to be sure to include some of the big names as well as a few of my personal favorites, and that I would only pair them with beers I've actually tried... so, if I miss any hero that's your favorite (or maybe you can think of a better beer pairing because I've limited myself to experience over reputation of beer), feel free to comment.  Maybe I'll even revisit this topic later.  Anyway, without further adieu, I'll start with one of my absolute favorite characters, who is both the hero that got me thinking about this topic as well as, in my opinion, the one inarguable slam dunk beer selection on this list:

Martian Manhunter

    You might be forgiven if you don't know who I'm talking about here, so I'll do a quick synopsis of the character.  J'onn J'onzz (pronounced John Jones, which would also become his human secret identity) is basically the Martian Superman, but BETTER.  Not only does he have Superman-like powers in his super-strength and flight, but they have a better, more science-y explanation that Superman's whole "because yellow sun" thing.  

    Martian Manhunter can control his mass and density, so he can alternately be light as a feather or come at you with a fist as heavy as the Earth.  Oh, and he can also dial his density down to the point where he becomes intangible and can phase through objects.  And make it so his cells stop reflecting light, and he can become invisible.  Oh, and he can also stretch and change shape to resemble anything or anyone he wants.  OH, and he can regenerate, too... so if he loses a limb or something, he'll just grow a new one.  OH, AND he also has this thing called "Martian Vision", which is like a force/heat beam from his eyes, but he also has x-ray, infrared, EM spectrum, telescopic and microscopic vision abilities.  OH AND HE'S TELEPATHIC LIKE WHOA.  What I'm getting is that he's the royal flush of power sets.  The caveat is that he has a fairly rudimentary weakness.  Fire.  Yup.  Just fire.  There's a long and nerdy explanation for that, but I've already gone on too long because this is my favorite character, so I'll just move on.

   Martian Manhunter has one other "weakness" of a different sort... his love of Oreos.  Or, as they have to call them in the DCU because of trademarks and such, his love of "Chocos".  Basically, the dude is absolutely nuts for chocolately, creamy sandwich cookies.  Luckily, there's one beer that comes immediately to mind when you need a Phenethylamine phfix... and that's Southern Tier Brewing Company's Choklat.  When I first had this beer, I was floored by level of dark cocoa goodness therein.  If J'onn loves the dark and sweet stuff half as much as it seems, I can think of no finer drink for him.

Aquaman

     Look, I know it's the cool thing to make fun of Aquaman because he just "talks to fish", but people that do that are wrong and stupid and also wrong.  A lot of people don't realize just how dang strong you have to be to just survive at ocean depths, nevermind fight and defeat villains with ridiculous costumes.  Also, don't forget that the dude is technically sovereign over 3/4 of the world.  Low-grade telepathy is just a cherry on top.  Plus, he's a local boy, being raised in Maine, so how about we put down the pitchforks and find the King of Atlantis a drink, eh?

     To me, a ruler as hearty as Aquaman needs a big beer.  Something to keep him warm, even at ocean trench depths.  Luckily for him, there's Ballast Point Brewing & Spirit's Victory at Sea.  This coffee-vanilla porter is rich, smooth and big on booze warmth.  Plus, coming in at 10% ABV, a 22oz bomber should suffice to suffer the fools who laugh at your ability to talk to seahorses.

Wolverine

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the elephant in the room as far as beer and superheroes go.  Of mainstream characters, I can think of no one else who drinks more beer than good ol' Logan.  You might argue that some of the Marvel "god" characters like Thor and Hercules drink more, but Thor is more one for mead and... well Hercules will drink just about anything, but Wolverine's one true pairing is lager for sure.  Thing is, dude drinks in quantity, so we're going to find something crushable that comes in a 30 rack for him. First thing that comes to mind, of course, is Naragansett Brewing Company's Naragansett Lager.  For a man that's as one with the adjuct macros as Sniktbub here, I can't think of any other realistic choice.  And honestly, a significant upgrade from his usual go-to-brews.

The Flash

     They say Flash is a faaaaast mutha-- shut yo' mouth!   But seriously, Flash is identified by speed.  His powers are defined by the "speed force", he's been known to travel time on a special treadmill... dude even has lightning bolts where his ears go.  Clearly, he needs a beer for runners.  Well, they make just the thing.  Boston Beer Company's Samuel Adams Boston 26.2 Brew.  The stuff is light, refreshing, lemony and dry. The dry finish probably comes from that this beer is brewed with a bit of salt, so you know Flash can replace those electrolytes with this one.  Plus, that's what makes plants grow.

Spider-Man

    Bzzzrt.  Trick question, because Spider-Man doesn't drink.  Not even a little.  In the same way that Flash is made of speed, Spider-Man is made of guilt.  He wouldn't even allow himself to even risk becoming the slightest bit inebriated because he might accidentally hurt someone or some crap like that.  Fun fact: the one time I can remember even the suggestion that Peter Parker got drunk, they quickly backpedaled the story to say that he was actually drinking Ginger Ale, even though he thought it was champagne, and he was reacting like he thought he was wasted.  That's right... the guy's such a stranger to alcohol that he gets psychosomatically drunk.

    That said, you can't not include Spidey on a superhero list of any sort, and I'm not about to let myself off the hook so easily, so let's pretend that he isn't terrified of a cold one at the end of a hard day of web slinging.  Aside from guilt, the second biggest defining element of Spider-Man is his New York-ness.  How New York is Spider-Man, you ask?  Once, in his debt to Spider-Man, Loki offered him one wish... and Spider-Man wished for a hot dog from Gray's Papaya.  So I'm thinking, with his love of American fare like hamburgers and hot dogs, and his implied perpetual "I <3 NY" t-shirt, how about a beer you can only get from another New York joint... Shake Shack?  I speak, of course, of Brooklyn Brewery's Shackmeister Ale, which is made especially for the chain.  Though he'd probably prefer one of Shake Shack's trademark "Concretes", Spidey could just as easily commiserate about power and responsibility over a Shack burger, crinkle-cut fries and this malty pale ale.

Superman

   Speaking of heroes you can't do a list without... and what's this?  This hero ALSO comes with a Spider-Man-esque beer controversy!  The very comic cover pictured above was a major bone of contention for the stick-in-the-bum community, as the original art made it a little more ambiguous as to what exactly Clark and Pa' Kent were drinking... until it was changed to wholesome sodey-pop in the final version.  By ambiguous, I mean that the label said "oot Beer" (fill in the blank, kids!), yet they still recalled the issue with that cover.  So, that I recall, DC has never really taken on anything directly when it comes to Superman and drinking, aside from a few scenes where he's refused alcohol... but let's not play the blue boy scout card so quickly, and remember Supes (probably) doesn't need to eat or drink at all.  Still, this isn't a list about what superheroes don't drink, and since Clark is a midwest boy, let's give him a midwest beer!  Prairie Artisan Ales' Prairie Standard seems a good fit to me.  This beer is fairly new (at least to MA), but it's a simple and nice saison... and the label teaches you how to noodle for Catfish (which has nothing to do with Superman, but whatevs).

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

    Stone Brewing Co.'s Arrogant Bastard Ale.  ...That's the joke.  Sorry, it was too perfect not to.  But seriously, I love that beer.  Probably my favorite "strong ale" style beer, but... ok, it was low hanging fruit for this character.  The nerds know what I mean.  Next!

The Hulk

   I'm going to break my rule for this one as far as beers I've tried go, because Hulk is the strongest one there is... so, naturally, he needs the strongest beer there is, and he cares not for my puny human blog rules.   Up until recently, I thought this would be BrewDog's Sink The Bismarck!, but that's no longer true.  In fact, the arms race has escalated far beyond that beer's 41% ABV, all the way up to the 65% ABV Brewmeister Brewery Armageddon.  That might be enough to even make the Hulk a little tipsy.  Maybe.

Mr. Fantastic

     Reed Richards is like... science incarnate.  So, when I think of a science-y beer, the first one that comes to mind is Element Brewing Company's Red Giant.  Why?  Well, because element.  That's a science word.  Plus, the bottle comes wrapped in fancy paper.  You might think that's just to look cool, but Mr. Fantastic knows that's to keep out light, because more light means more oxidation because SCIENCE.  Moving on.

Batman

    We'll end this one on everybody's favorite hero.  As we've covered, Flash is made of fast, Spider-Man is made of guilt, Hulk is made of strong and Mr. Fantastic is made of stretchy, stretchy science.  Batman, of course, is made of prep time.  Bruce Wayne, Batman's other persona (I don't say secret identity because really, Bruce Wayne is the fiction and Batman is the real man) is made of high society and stuff.  So, when I start to think about the perfect Bat-beer, I'm looking for something a little elegant, finely-crafted, and strong. Something that's at least slightly elusive, so while you probably can't just get it anywhere, it appears when it's needed.  Perhaps, even, a beer that's very name suggests that some extra time was put in to it.  A beer that, like Batman, is well regarded in it's community.  So, the first thing that came to mind was Dogfish Head Craft Brewery's 120 Minute IPA.  Also, did you know that like Batman (but unlike most IPAs), 120 Minute ages very well.  Truly, we have some Lincoln-Kennedy level coincidences going on here.

    Beer fans, thank you for indulging me in a bit of fun.  Superhero fans, I look forward to your complaints.

Why Should I Care 'Bout... #1: Calories

    Welcome one and all to another perennial feature here on the Big Red Beard Blog... "Why Should I Care 'Bout...".  In this series, I hope to cover slightly less-traveled topics that take a little digging, and can be looked at from more than one side.  So where will we end up?  Apathetic or longing?  In short should we care?

    Today's feature: beer and calories.  I've had this one rattling around my head for a little while since I've been pretty successfully losing weight.  I'm well into the last 20 pounds (after having lost over 50 thus far), and the whole "plateau" effect makes things a little bit harder.  To get a better handle on things, and help estimate things like my calorie deficit, I bought a Fitbit.  ...Ok, full disclosure, I accidentally bought a Fitbit on eBay while kind of sort of drunk.

    Shut up!  I never claimed to be a role model!

    So that I can spend exactly zero more time on the specifics of my weight loss plan, I'll make two statements.  One: diets don't work.  Lifestyle changes do.  I went into this knowing that if I was too restrictive, I would fall off the wagon pretty quickly.  I wanted to do this without really giving anything up... but more like exercising more moderation (in addition to, you know... plenty of literal exercising) and eating strategically.  Like only indulging in treats when one has the ability to work them off.  Carbs and sugars earlier in the day or on weekends, for example.  Statement two?  Beer makes calorie counting dang near impossible.

    I'm not saying I need to know the exactitude of everything that goes in to my body.  I am far from a temple.  But I would at least like some idea, and I'm not going to drink no Miller 64 so that I can know for sure.  I've always though there was a bit of sexist dynamic going on here.  Counting calories is a thing women do, right?  And drinking with reckless abandon?  Well, that's man town.  I tell ya... I got plenty of hair on my back and beer in my fridge... but believe it or not, I would at least like some idea of the numbers on what I'm drinking.

    It's ridiculous to me that there's even resistance to knowing the calorie count of a good craft.  Who hasn't looked at the nutrition info on the side of a box of cereal, and if you don't care... does it REALLY bother you that much that the info is available?  Or maybe you're just living in denial that a beverage... a liquid (and one that you love) could be so deceptively high in caloric content.  You might think twice about eating a couple of Klondike Bars, but what's 3 pints on a Friday with friends?  Let's just throw out some numbers, then: 488 and 600.  488 calories being what you would do, nutritionally, for one Klondike Bar, and just under 600 representing three 12oz bottles of a 6.5% ABV beer.  But I said pints, didn't?  Ok, make that number more like 810 calories.  And keep in mind that's an estimate depending on several other factors.

    The devil is, as he always seems to be, in the details.  Sure, alcohol basically equals calories, with every gram of the wonderful stuff making for about 7 calories.  Then there are the carbs (ugh, that word... I know) due to sugars left over from fermentation that add even more.  Trust me, it gets pretty complicated.

    Using the equation from the article linked above, you would need to know not just the alcohol content of a beer, but also the OG (original gravity, or how much sugar was present in the unfermented beer) and the FG (final gravity, or how much sugar is left after fermentation) to get a truly accurate handle on what you're downing to the ol' waistline.  You can ballpark based on the ABV, but really... should you have to?  If you're a person that actually wants the info, why is it hidden behind this veil of science and taboo?

   Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this now is some hot-off-the-presses development kind of stuff.  The Treasury Department (which, for some weird reason, regulates alcohol... I would have guessed ATF, since the "A" stands for alcohol, but the Treasury Department also runs the Secret Service, so who knows and why is this parenthetical going on for so long?) is "is moving to allow companies to place labels on packages that include serving size, servings per container, calories, carbohydrates, protein, and fat per serving" on beer, wine and spirits.  Now the second question I have here, after why is the Treasury Department regulating alcohol is... wait, it was NOT allowed before??

    Now, if you're on the other side of the caring fence from me, please keep in mind that the operative word in this ruling is "allow".  Nutritional labels on alcoholic beverages will be optional.  It may well prove to move on and become a requirement, but let's deal with the hand we've been given first.

    If you read the article, there's a number of points, from interesting to just plain stupid ("including fat and carbohydrates on a label could imply that an alcoholic beverage is positively healthful" said one man happily eating a Big Mac that also had a known fat and carb level), but it's clear that things are complicated.  Still, I just can't understand why this is such a hot button issue.  I don't think anyone that loves craft beer is going to run screaming if they knew the info, and I don't think anyone drinking light lagers because they're actively trying not to imbibe too many calories is going to be going to a proper bottle shop any time soon, anyway.  And there's frankly a lot of misconception out there that some transparency could clear up.  The first thing that comes to mind is the myth of dark beer being "heavier".  Beer geeks know that Guinness has fewer calories than a Budweiser, but I don't think stuff like that is exactly common knowledge.

    My point remains: the info should be there if you want it, and is easily ignorable if you don't.  Craft beer companies could go the route of having the info on a website or by request only, even.  Whatever people are most comfortable with.  But what I'm not comfortable with is a wall of fat silence.

    Why?  Because I care.

    BTW, I reserve the right to rescind my argument with pure, white hot rage if the labels come out and suggest that a 12oz bottle of beer has 5 servings in it.

   Oh, and if you care too, here's a handy chart to roughly estimate (without knowing the OG and FG of a beer) the calories in your brew (from the article that started me thinking about all of this).